In order to be able to share, children need to understand some important things – like being able to trust that what they share will be given back to them and being able to see things from another person’s point of view. Those concepts develop as they grow. Even though children may not be able to understand about sharing when they’re young, we can still help them develop a positive attitude about it.

Here are some ways parents can help in that process.

Give Your Child a Way to Understand What It Means to “Own” Something

Strange as it may seem, the first step in learning how to share (“letting go”) is learning that there are some things that belong to only you (“holding on”). Let your child have certain things that others in the family do not touch or take without asking, like a favorite stuffed animal or a special toy. Once children feel they have certain things they can hold on to, they may be more willing to give up some of their other toys and possessions to another child.

Help Your Child Learn about Sharing When Playing with a Brother or Sister or a Friend

Let your child decide which toys he or she will be willing to let others play with. Put away the toys that your child finds hard to share.

Some playthings make sharing things easier:

• crayons or colored markers
• blocks
• strips of construction paper for paper chains
• play clay

Encourage activities that give children practice taking turns, like:

• see-saw
• rolling a ball back and forth to each other
• adding ingredients or stirring the batter for a recipe you’re making

Set a timer for taking turns. That helps children trust that when they give up a toy, they will get it back after a certain amount of time.

Spend Some One-on-One Time with Your Child

How children feel about sharing things may be related to how they feel about sharing a parent’s attention – with other brothers and sisters, other people in the family, or even with people on the telephone. Your loving attention is important to your child. A child who feels more secure and loved may be more willing to share toys and other things, too.

Try to set aside some time (with each of your children) for doing things like:

• reading a book together before bedtime;
• having a meal or snack together, just the two of you, on a regular basis;
• talking together for a few minutes after you come home from work.

Talk about Everyday Examples of Sharing

Talk with your child about things you have shared with a neighbor, someone in your family, a friend, or a person at work.

Talk about some things you have shared, like:

• tools
• recipes
• car pool rides
• information
• news that you heard
• your love with others in the family